"Oh swish!"

With thanks to http://girlgetstrong.com/wordpress/ for this ... Hilarious! Why do we not speak like that anymore? It's a damn shame, I tell you!

This was my grandmother's era - no wonder she locks and bolts the doors and windows at night...the changes from then to now, to have lived through it all.

I've never really been a huge fan of Youtube. I like the concept but I can't stand the pauses as clips download...however have to find clips about digital literacy for an assignment so have an excuse to go searching...

Frustration

I have neglected the blog...again! I am still here. Have just lost the will to blog in this past couple of weeks.

Firstly, I finished with my environmental education job and we are poor as dirt. The company had some crazy issues (or namely ONE crazy issue who verbally abused me after I spent 2 hours driving to the office on HER command only to be told my being there was pointless and costing them money! Staff turnover of 14 in under 2 years in an office of only about half a dozen is all I can say - shame on the Board!). They also had only one tour booked for the whole of term 4 so I figured it was an appropriate time to concentrate on finishing my TESOL course, doing prac, maybe even getting some work. The plan was to move to the Coast as there are numerous English language schools there and...NONE here.

This brings up the accommodation dilemma: my sister and I share a house that we bought last year. If I move away for work we need to rent it out - but where does she go? To our mother's...? What about the rising prices of rent on the Coast - unaffordable on a single income (which is not even guaranteed)? Not to mention it will be difficult to get a lease for less than 6 months so that puts all my plans out...I looked into staying with my Grandmother but before I could put the suggestion to her she was hospitalised by illness...

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO BLOODY DIFFICULT???

I also made myself sound like a numpty as the language schools started phoning me and I had to keep saying I was "waiting to hear back from my Nanna before I considered any posts"...

On top of that, of course, is the childcare dilemma.

Sometimes I really do wonder if there is any way I could give up my daughter for a month or 6...could I do it? Could she handle it? Would I handle it? They used to do it all the time in the olden days - had too many kids so the older ones would be shunted out to barren aunties or to be maids or lackeys in big houses...But I regret it instantly and know that I would sooner severe an arm or leg than let her out of my sight. I can barely sleep when she's not in the room or if she spends a night at her Nanna's. I get bored and listless when I haven't seen her for a while. I find it difficult to do things we always do together (like go to the shops or have coffee) without her. (word to the wise - do NOT look up the spelling of severe on google images. I nearly puked!)

Frustration...(well whaddya know, it's already a TAG!)

The books came!

My Tesol books came in the mail yesterday!! Delivered out here in the sticks by my sister. Wee daughter and I are minding the caravan park for Mum while she is off galavanting.

Strangely they have provided guide books that look like workbooks and workbooks that look like novels...bit frustrating really as I would like to take the texts and workbooks with me overseas but they are too bulky. They also mention CD copies of readings and workbooks on their website but so far no sign of these...

I read through the guidelines for study last night. It was almost like starting Year 8 again: reading everything from cover to cover...(nerd!).

<-- How things were looking about midnight...yes, that is the Collins World Atlas peeking out. Despite having (briefly) been a teacher of Geography and winning a Geography competition when I was in Year 11, I still mix my Bratislavia's with my Uzbekistans...

At least I am more motivated for this course than any of my previous Tafe misadventures. The best part (now that I've read Unit 1) is that (unlike previous Tafe course) this all makes complete sense to me and I know the answers to the questions without thinking!

Apart from reading the books and worrying about whether I want to write into the workbook (it looks like a novel or a travel guide, dammit), I am looking for jobs. Oh how I hate job hunting. Plus as much as I'd like to take on a job overseas, I don't have enough money to fund travel at the moment.

Thinking about New Zealand again: managing a hostel there. I've also noticed a few jobs teaching English in NZ (more than I've noticed locally) so perhaps this would not be a bad starting point? Go and chull wuth the Kuwus fur a whulle, hehehe.

(the extent of my knowledge of all things Kiwi)

Departure blues

Perhaps it is the literature I am reading but I was dreaming last night that we were living in a different place.

My heart and mind are definitely on the move out of here. I am finding it harder and harder to feign interest in what is going on around me. My sister and her partner are planning to build a house (a mansion, really. Not bad for 2 non-professionals still under 30, but what do I know?) I do know that it strikes me as very Marie Antoinette - there are people in the world who are starving, who can't get a house, who can't read or write...anyway.

I have even started to take down my postcard wall (a staple in every house, hovel or cell-sized room I have lived in since I was 21). I wander round the house every so often and daydream about the garage sale I will have. I am even thinking about having a garage sale right now, just to get rid of the clutter.

Perhaps it is a good thing. I know it won't be easy to leave here, despite my boredom and frustration with the place. But unfortunately we have stayed here too long, tentacles of habit have wound their way into our hearts and lifestyle.

My daughter is also a lot older than I thought she would be when we left, and certainly older than she was at the start of last year when we moved to Alice Springs. She noticed the sudden disappearance of family then (her father also chose that moment to return to Scotland, so that added to her distress), I'm sure she'll notice it more this time.

Fortunately we will be going somewhere completely new that will fill up her senses and distract her. I think it will be best if I get a job quite suddenly and the departure process is fairly quick. Just like removing a Band-Aid - it seemed to work when we left for Alice Springs (I was phoned and offered the job on Saturday and we arrived by the following Tuesday).

Of course, it will not be the glorious departure back to Scotland that I have pictured in my mind over the past 3 and a half years, but it will be the beginning of that journey - with our final destination:

The purposeful blogger

I am torn trying to decide WHO exactly I am blogging for.

Initially the idea of the blog was to upload pictures/photos and info on our travels so that people and family at home could read about our adventures.

However, thinking about it, I realised that if I am blogging for family I will have to censor my posts. Can't have them knowing how I really think/feel/behave.

If I am not blogging for family I have more freedom in what I write, but nowhere to direct the folks at home for updates and photos when our travels actually start, thus defeating the original purpose of the blog...yet I don't want to write if I have to censor myself.

Perhaps when I am 5000 miles away from my family I will feel more comfortable with who I am and not care about what they think when reading my thoughts and adventures??

Yeah, right.