The land of the long white cloud

It must be the desperation of being just that little bit closer to 30, but I subjected myself to another futile flurry into job possibilities in NZ: hostel jobs mainly, as teaching jobs seem difficult to come by when I'm still in Oz and I can't consider moving over reliant on 'supply' when I have a daughter in tow.

I think I must have emailed every single hostel in the country outlining my explaining and trying not to sound too desperate :) Alas, this move turned out to be a BAD one, especially considering my current state of mind: I spent the next week deleting rejection after rejection from my Inbox...Nobody wants a 3 year old staying in their hostel.

Now for the rant: I realise wanting to bunk down with hordes of drunken, smelly 18 - 30 somethings with a preschooler is possibly a bit unusual, however, having managed a hostel myself, and having parents and grandparents who have been and still are in a similar industry, it is one of the few jobs that I perceive as 'do-able' with a toddler/preschooler in tow. If I had the money I'd buy my own bloody hostel and show them how it's done...but alas.

I had a lot of strange replies too - some would take the coward's way out and tell me they'd filled the position, then I would see it readvertised almost immediately on the BBH site! Others told me they couldn't spare an extra bed (although I'd specifically mentioned that daughter and I would share a bed!) and so many told me that their hostel was 'not family friendly' yet they had 'family friendly' written all over their website!!!! Understandable, but infuriating nonetheless. I really thought that amongst all of the hostels there might be one, just ONE who would give us a chance.

I also applied for a management position with YHA NZ, but rejection was waiting in the wings here as well. At least they allowed me the dignity of a reply...there is nothing more humiliating and annoying than putting hours...sometimes DAYS into a job application (and in some cases I've also done an interview!!) and then have no response from the company/school/government department. I think I've already ranted about the job in Tasmania, but if not, remind me later and I'll let you in on their incompetence!

Oh crummy crum CRUMBO

ARIEGHOSEIGHGGHGHHH!

I am a numpty!

Numpty (num-p-tee) Dialect, chiefly Scot. ~ n. 1. a bumbling fool; One who is intellectually challenged ("no' the fu' shillin'"). 2. widely known in Scotland as an MSP (Member of Scottish Parliament) [as in "Thae numpties couldnae organise a piss up in a brewery."]

Just got off the phone from an interview for a literacy tutor position in Cape York - that's right, waaaay up north where it's hot all year round...hardly my favourite climatic conditions but the opportunity is a one-off. I've even had to put my school in China off for a week because I want to have this chance. The program is highly successful at rapidly improving the reading level of students who are struggling with literacy. They even offer training in Sydney for a week at the start of January before a 6 month deployment to Cape York...

Buuuuut...at the end of the interview (which actually went well - usually I am terrible at phone interviews - especially the international kind but more on that another day) for some wildly inexplicable reason I TOLD HER I HAD A 3 YEAR OLD! @?!*# Why oh why oh why would I do that? It wasn't planned AT ALL. I haven't mentioned my poor wee girl in an interview for a year: not after my parent status cost me not one but TWO brilliant teacher recruiting jobs earlier in the year. The first one was also a phone interview and I had not intended to mention Miss M, but unfortunately I kept talking about "we" and "us". When she asked who else I travelled with, I would've been better off telling her I was a nutter and liked to talk about myself in the 3rd person, but instead I confessed. She practically hung up on me.

Discriminating on the grounds of being a one parent family or having a child is not allowed, of course, but that's even MORE reason to stay mum until being offered the position. I don't like to be underhand but I prefer to be the one to decide whether or not I will handle a position, or a location, rather than have the decision made by somebody who doesn't know me or who maybe doesn't have children at all!

I honestly have no idea why I said it. Talk about shooting oneself in the foot. Talk about self-destruction...argh! It was like some imp was pulling the words out of my mouth - I started saying it before I even realised what I was saying. I tried to stop but I'd gone too far to backtrack without sounding like I was covering up a terminal illness or a little bit of crazy.

>sigh<

So now we have to wait. This is probably my least favourite part of the job process. Applications are draining and time consuming, waiting to be contacted for interview is nail biting but at least you've not had your hopes raised too high yet. Preparing for interview is stressful but the waiting afterwards is dreadful.

Especially when you may have shot yourself in the foot.

Procrastination

I cannot fathom what is the matter with me. Before the course books came I was so hyped for Tesol and ready to complete the whole lot in a couple of weeks and be...GONE. Now I find I can barely lift the cover (that's if I can find the books at all).

Firstly, it has to be studying alone...by distance, whatever. It is quite desperate at the best of times but in this case (in comparison to my 3 previous experiences of study via distance), the college really have abandoned me to my own devices. There are no online or phone tutorials (although there is a tutor I can contact via email. She is in Melbourne, I think). There is no 'Blackboard' or virtual learning environment where I might interact with other students. There is no schedule for learning and actual checkups as per the Gaelic course with Sabhal Mor Ostaig.

It's just me and these bloody books...and don't get me started on them! FRUSTRATING! It feels like there should be a second book to explain the first. There are huge gaps in information - and I am a bloody English teacher! A few activities I've worked through so far have been so sparsely explained I've actually had to email the course tutor - unheard of in the history of saoghalbeag studying!

I think it is also difficult because I am not based in a school to be able to apply the learning - or even to assess the learners themselves and comprehend where they are coming from.

There is also the one parent family procrastination. I find it impossibly hard to knuckle down for real study when she is around. I know I am going to be interrupted the minute I start so I don't. Start. I do everything else possibly possible before I start the TESOL - which means it usually starts around 4pm when there are no toddler programs on telly to distract her and she's starting to get tired and cranky and hungry and then I decide I should probably bath her and start dinner anyway...but by this stage I am getting desperate to at least do SOMETHING of the course so instead I persevere. I also feel guilty that here I am learning how to make learning fun for other people when I can't even find a spare minute to work on an activity with her. So I will make a cake with her or make a mess with paint and glue, or go into the garden...

We now have a fully landscaped and manicured front yard thanks to TESOL.

Frustration

I have neglected the blog...again! I am still here. Have just lost the will to blog in this past couple of weeks.

Firstly, I finished with my environmental education job and we are poor as dirt. The company had some crazy issues (or namely ONE crazy issue who verbally abused me after I spent 2 hours driving to the office on HER command only to be told my being there was pointless and costing them money! Staff turnover of 14 in under 2 years in an office of only about half a dozen is all I can say - shame on the Board!). They also had only one tour booked for the whole of term 4 so I figured it was an appropriate time to concentrate on finishing my TESOL course, doing prac, maybe even getting some work. The plan was to move to the Coast as there are numerous English language schools there and...NONE here.

This brings up the accommodation dilemma: my sister and I share a house that we bought last year. If I move away for work we need to rent it out - but where does she go? To our mother's...? What about the rising prices of rent on the Coast - unaffordable on a single income (which is not even guaranteed)? Not to mention it will be difficult to get a lease for less than 6 months so that puts all my plans out...I looked into staying with my Grandmother but before I could put the suggestion to her she was hospitalised by illness...

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO BLOODY DIFFICULT???

I also made myself sound like a numpty as the language schools started phoning me and I had to keep saying I was "waiting to hear back from my Nanna before I considered any posts"...

On top of that, of course, is the childcare dilemma.

Sometimes I really do wonder if there is any way I could give up my daughter for a month or 6...could I do it? Could she handle it? Would I handle it? They used to do it all the time in the olden days - had too many kids so the older ones would be shunted out to barren aunties or to be maids or lackeys in big houses...But I regret it instantly and know that I would sooner severe an arm or leg than let her out of my sight. I can barely sleep when she's not in the room or if she spends a night at her Nanna's. I get bored and listless when I haven't seen her for a while. I find it difficult to do things we always do together (like go to the shops or have coffee) without her. (word to the wise - do NOT look up the spelling of severe on google images. I nearly puked!)

Frustration...(well whaddya know, it's already a TAG!)

And another thing...

One of the other reasons I am determined to keep up with my blog is for others in my situation who are thinking about living and working abroad with their child. Eventually I hope some of them might start to come out of the woodwork and post comments so we can share our experiences, but I haven't even started the course yet so let's not get too excited.

Soon after my realisation that simply thinking about getting away had ceased to satisfy me, and I made plans to really escape, I went to my trusty google search to find other one parent families who had blazed a trail before me (naturally so I could copy everything they did and not have to jump off the deep end myself).

Annoyingly, there is precious little info out there for single parents with mad intentions of dragging their offspring to the ends of the earth.

The information that is out there is geared towards Stepford families with a male who has a stunningly successful role with some international corporation and a wife who's only worries are whether the local nanny will get in her way as she lounges about the house.

Even googling "single parent holidays abroad" did not produce much, except one website who condescended to have a page about one parent travelling with children but this was a much older mum with teenage kids so not much use to me.

I posted some threads on ThornTree (Lonely Planet's travel forum) and was surprised at the number of mums who wrote back about their desire to live overseas with their children, their frustration at the lack of information and their confusion about the safest and best path to take to realise their goals.

I have not even left Australia yet so I am no expert but hopefully by documenting my experience of taking a 3 year old on my OE I may be able to fill a little bit of that information black hole.

Here's the thread at Lonely Planet...
http://www.lonelyplanet.com/thorntree/thread.jspa?threadID=1651298&start=0&tstart=0