Frustration

I have neglected the blog...again! I am still here. Have just lost the will to blog in this past couple of weeks.

Firstly, I finished with my environmental education job and we are poor as dirt. The company had some crazy issues (or namely ONE crazy issue who verbally abused me after I spent 2 hours driving to the office on HER command only to be told my being there was pointless and costing them money! Staff turnover of 14 in under 2 years in an office of only about half a dozen is all I can say - shame on the Board!). They also had only one tour booked for the whole of term 4 so I figured it was an appropriate time to concentrate on finishing my TESOL course, doing prac, maybe even getting some work. The plan was to move to the Coast as there are numerous English language schools there and...NONE here.

This brings up the accommodation dilemma: my sister and I share a house that we bought last year. If I move away for work we need to rent it out - but where does she go? To our mother's...? What about the rising prices of rent on the Coast - unaffordable on a single income (which is not even guaranteed)? Not to mention it will be difficult to get a lease for less than 6 months so that puts all my plans out...I looked into staying with my Grandmother but before I could put the suggestion to her she was hospitalised by illness...

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO BLOODY DIFFICULT???

I also made myself sound like a numpty as the language schools started phoning me and I had to keep saying I was "waiting to hear back from my Nanna before I considered any posts"...

On top of that, of course, is the childcare dilemma.

Sometimes I really do wonder if there is any way I could give up my daughter for a month or 6...could I do it? Could she handle it? Would I handle it? They used to do it all the time in the olden days - had too many kids so the older ones would be shunted out to barren aunties or to be maids or lackeys in big houses...But I regret it instantly and know that I would sooner severe an arm or leg than let her out of my sight. I can barely sleep when she's not in the room or if she spends a night at her Nanna's. I get bored and listless when I haven't seen her for a while. I find it difficult to do things we always do together (like go to the shops or have coffee) without her. (word to the wise - do NOT look up the spelling of severe on google images. I nearly puked!)

Frustration...(well whaddya know, it's already a TAG!)