Cry me a river...

Apparently this is also Susan Boyle on a CD made a few years ago for charity. I hope it is her as it's amazing and now I can sleep at night knowing that she definitely has an enduring talent...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8r9lRJ6yHY

Stupid blogger won't let me embed.

Also a great song.

The school I worked at before heading over to Scotland produced a very classy version of Les Mis just before I left. It broke my heart then and "Drink with Me" became a wee anthem for Scotland after I left (probably because the Les Mis songs were all in my head when I first arrived in Scotland).

This one also strikes a chord: the dream

I Dreamed A Dream lyrics

There was a time, when men were kind
And their voices were soft
And their words were inviting
There was a time, when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they turn your hope apart
As they turn your dreams to shame
He slept a summer by my side
He filled my dreams with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'd come to me
That we would live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from the hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

Read that, watch it again and try not to cry!

The dream

Heard about this a few days ago then finally saw a quick snippet on the news the night before last. Finally had the chance to check it out on YouTube last night and ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luRmM1J1sfg

Amazing. I have cried my eyes out each time I have seen it. Such an unlikely candidate by the world's standards, and the looks on the faces of the audience -that young girl rolling her eyes - and she just stood up there, almost oblivious, and shut them all up.

Over 20 million hits on YouTube and broadcast around the world. I hope that she goes on to great things. AND she's Scottish. Scots wa' hae! Alba gu brath!

The look on Simon Cowell's face! And that 'megatalent' (as described in the Herald!) Amanda Holden...lol! My favourite was the guy on the other end. At least he had the grace to be ashamed of his earlier thoughts. Ant n Dec were hilarious.

Oh SIMON!

Goes to show that even in the most unlikely of places...and how quickly we can idolise people with internet and gadgetry. Still, it is brilliant to see someone who doesn't fit the image blow them all away.

Go Susan.

Little Audrey says...while the sun is out make hay...

I uncovered a stash of all video cassettes the other day that had found their way under our house from the shed at Mum's. Some of them, like Veggie Tales, are great. Others are a little hair-raising...old 1930s cartoons that are racist, sexist, condescending and some are downright frightening and most are just plain WRONG. My daughter was in tears in two of them!

There are some really dark and quite disturbing themes in these 'toons. Little Audrey in "Song of the Birds" is one. Who the hell lets a preschooler run around with a loaded shotgun??!! My daughter was absolutely distraught watching this - when the bird died she was almost sobbing. Had to sit with her until the end for him to come back to life and completely mess up her psyche...

Classic cartoons blog has some great stills from the cartoon (better quality images than my video copy!). Poor little boidy...

Aud's shoots the boid...

Mummy boid weeps over her wittle boidy...

The funeral - even the moon weeps...

Audrey smashes her gun and offers ACME style seed after the baby boidy comes back to life...

On that note (and I don't know why this would be linked to the Maaaatt Daaaamon clip, but anyhow)...(Maaatt Daaamon...hehehe)...here is an early advertisement for Jello. I say, speaking of racism, let's get the creators of Tellytubbies up here to explain themselves!

Jello ad

What the hell? Shocking advert for face cream.

Maaaattt Daaaammonn

Okay just one more...seriously, this one brought tears to my eyes. In fact I am laughing and crying right now just thinking about it. I can't even put my finger on exactly why it is funny...except Maaaattt Daaammmonnn..ahahahahaha




Oh dear, it really shouldn't be so funny, but I am dying!

"Oh swish!"

With thanks to http://girlgetstrong.com/wordpress/ for this ... Hilarious! Why do we not speak like that anymore? It's a damn shame, I tell you!

This was my grandmother's era - no wonder she locks and bolts the doors and windows at night...the changes from then to now, to have lived through it all.

I've never really been a huge fan of Youtube. I like the concept but I can't stand the pauses as clips download...however have to find clips about digital literacy for an assignment so have an excuse to go searching...

In the midst of study

a picture I found after googling "mad librarian"...:)

It resembles my current state of mind as I am in the middle of assignments...just got my 2nd one finished at the end of last week (already late as I'd had my computer die the week before). I went to submit it electronically, only to discover that my perception that an online course would involve online submission of assignments was a product of my imagination - they still have to be posted! Of course it was right before Good Friday and Easter Monday public holiday so all that furious last minute scribbling and the dratted thing is STILL sitting here with me!

cast of the ABC series "The Librarians"

Two of my other assignments are meant to be uploaded to a wiki/blog/website. Group work can be a pain but it is still infinitely more absorbing than typing 2000 words about something someone else said. I have been spending a bit of time reacquainting myself with Twitter and setting up a ning group for the Master of Ed (Teacher-Librarian) students - trying to get a few more together for study sessions and to discuss assignments. So far Krista and I seem to be the only ones foolish enough to study full-time so perhaps that's why we're so panicked (well, I am at least!) about assignments and keen to chat to others about it.

Here is the ning group. So far there are just 3 of us, but I know the rest of the class are just dying to be in our gang and will join soon...:P

And here is my plan for getting through the rest of the course:

What do you mean, how is that a plan? An army of highly trained, highly literate kittens, who will be able to research and put together dazzling professional critiques??

Hahaha, funny how stress is already in my list of tags!

Another cup of tea, love?

Oh yes please. I've definitely had more than half a dozen cups today...as well as a cappucino whilst passing on the baton to Mum down the street (the baton being my darling girl :)

Trying to get my first major assignment organised for my Masters...amidst dire computer issues. I have some sort of Internet Explorer problem: after a random amount of time online, I receive a Microsoft error message. If I click "Don't Send", it immediately shuts down any web pages I have open. If I click "Send" it really starts looking like a virus and starts asking me personal questions etc. Oh, and it also started redirecting me to random pages from google searches...

I have spent the better part of the last month trying to sort the damn problem out via a flurry of emails with my Antivirus provider (BullGuard, if you're interested). I've been with them since I bought the laptop in 2006 and I don't recall ever having a problem in that time.

I couldn't afford (the time OR money) to put the thing in for servicing and as it was dated and not keeping up with the workload anyway, I bought a new one (an EEE PC which I will introduce another time!). Technically it was courtesy of Kevin Rudd's stimulous package but as that also helped pay the rates and new tyres and car servicing I may also owe my credit card provider some love...oh I hate being poor!

Anyway: sadly I managed to screw up and transfer the virus to the eee pc *sad face* so I am still suffering...thankfully the lecturer has been understanding of my plight and granted me a few days grace to finish the assignment (which I am flaunting by posting on here but technically it is related to the course so it counts as hard work :)

Back to the digital revolution: the article I have chosen for the paper is on pop culture pedagogy and the possible end of school as we know it. I have found some fascinating info on possible schools of the future and whether there will be any schools at all! Will have to come back later to provide links as the Internet Explorer error message has popped up and will probably shut me down soon!

Unemployment and filling the time

Have started my Masters of Education. I am going to be a Teacher-Librarian (or just a plain librarian it will qualify me for either).

So far:

LIKES
Learning about lots of whizzy fandangled cyberspace gadgets (finally getting an excuse to try out Second Life...as if the First One isn't busy enough)
Having an excuse to loiter in a school library
...and on the internet!
Getting in touch with others who are interested in the same things.
Hope: that I am finally on the right path and anticipation at the lovely library jobs I might one day have!

DISLIKES
Stupid, bloody irritating annoyingly offputting virus that latched onto my computer during a recent sojourn at my cousins. Perfect bloody timing! Everytime I logon to the net I get a Microsoft Error message which promptly shuts down the web. And I keep getting redirected to junk advertisements! I've never had a proper virus before so this is a whole new world of PAIN!
Having to READ so much guff. Some of the academic language they use in the articles we have to read is so POINTLESS and irritating!
Computer headache :(

I am happy to be on the course. It lasts for 12 months and at the end I will be a qualified librarian. The Masters will give me a few more points for the visa to get back into the UK but I still have to head back there before my 30th birthday. Which means teaching in Asia (or somewhere) is still on the cards.

The job I was looking at over the Summer did not work out so now I have to wait until the Aug/Sept round. Good thing is I can study this course from anywhere in the world, so I can still apply for jobs o/seas. Bad news is that apparently the economic downturn has caused many schools to put a freeze on recruitment. As my recruiters already consider me 'difficult to employ' this is going to make things interesting...although one recruiter did tell me that it may mean international schools will now be more open to one year contracts, which is FANTASTIC for me!

I've also read that in the UK school system, Miss M will be eligible to start proper school after her 4th birthday, which, unfathomably, is this September!

The land of the long white cloud

It must be the desperation of being just that little bit closer to 30, but I subjected myself to another futile flurry into job possibilities in NZ: hostel jobs mainly, as teaching jobs seem difficult to come by when I'm still in Oz and I can't consider moving over reliant on 'supply' when I have a daughter in tow.

I think I must have emailed every single hostel in the country outlining my explaining and trying not to sound too desperate :) Alas, this move turned out to be a BAD one, especially considering my current state of mind: I spent the next week deleting rejection after rejection from my Inbox...Nobody wants a 3 year old staying in their hostel.

Now for the rant: I realise wanting to bunk down with hordes of drunken, smelly 18 - 30 somethings with a preschooler is possibly a bit unusual, however, having managed a hostel myself, and having parents and grandparents who have been and still are in a similar industry, it is one of the few jobs that I perceive as 'do-able' with a toddler/preschooler in tow. If I had the money I'd buy my own bloody hostel and show them how it's done...but alas.

I had a lot of strange replies too - some would take the coward's way out and tell me they'd filled the position, then I would see it readvertised almost immediately on the BBH site! Others told me they couldn't spare an extra bed (although I'd specifically mentioned that daughter and I would share a bed!) and so many told me that their hostel was 'not family friendly' yet they had 'family friendly' written all over their website!!!! Understandable, but infuriating nonetheless. I really thought that amongst all of the hostels there might be one, just ONE who would give us a chance.

I also applied for a management position with YHA NZ, but rejection was waiting in the wings here as well. At least they allowed me the dignity of a reply...there is nothing more humiliating and annoying than putting hours...sometimes DAYS into a job application (and in some cases I've also done an interview!!) and then have no response from the company/school/government department. I think I've already ranted about the job in Tasmania, but if not, remind me later and I'll let you in on their incompetence!

The best job in the world...?

Oh my Lord...some of you may have seen this on the news or perhaps the advert on tv. I was on Lonely Planet's Thorntree Forums and came across some desperate soul trying to pimp his cause on there, and I followed the link...

If nothing else, the website confirms that there are some VERY strange (and delusional) people on the planet. There are 8000 applicants so far and my computer is old and crappy so here are just a few...

Susan I think my Nanna would vote for her. Feed the fish???!!!

Helen for the glamour shot she chose as her avatar alone. Did she not realise the selection panel would also watch the video?

A few were quite good - in terms of technical aspects. Haven't posted them here because we only want to see the outlandish ones, right?? What I don't understand is why so many people thought they had to use the 1 minute to educate the Queensland Tourism Board on the island, the Great Barrier Reef and Australia...just in case they don't know or...?

Like this guy. (What the hell, he was born in 1770??)

Okay, until the last 2 seconds I was voting for this guy! Maybe not Hamilton Island but surely there's another island somewhere that needs a policeman? He's not like the ones on The Bill.

Help! Help! Do you think this guy has family voting for him?? "I am jobless...I want to spend six months on this island to make-a the tax" He's in the top 3 based on popularity!

Ugh. I can't watch any more, but it's brilliant marketing. I don't even want to visit the Whitsundays, yet I found myself suddenly longing for the job (only for a nanosecond...now if it had been a SCOTTISH island seeking a Caretaker you'd be laughing hysterically at my application video right now :)

Happy Post

Have just scrolled through my (very) long list of other bloggers and revisited all of them to catch up on what they are doing (twas like catching up with old friends...even tho most of them don't even know who I am!). Also to get a wee bit more inspiration for my own blog...just like getting out of bed, it's been a little hard lately to keep motivated. The whole reason for starting the wretched thing was to share our travel stories with the world but alas, we are still sitting HERE so it's just not that exciting.

But...happy thoughts!

One blog of which I am particularly fond is silversprite. I guess because they pretty much embody my Ideal Life: living on a remote Hebridean island, working as a librarian as well as having a web based consultancy business...>sigh<>

All this is rather fitting as I am trying, desperately trying to apply for a teacher-librarian position down south (actually not that far...and not on the coast, which I am craving, but still - it's part-time and at this point in the quest for employment, why the hell not??)

I am the original bookworm. Bugger teaching, I should've studied to be a librarian in the first place. The only part I'm not sure I'll like is the cataloguing, but I did realise tonight whilst walking (first time in MONTHS but more on that another time) that the school librarian does not have to do school reports, they have very few classes for which they have to prepare (and even then the lessons are mostly the same thing "How To Use The Library") and discipline is not such a big deal because they don't see the students that often, the work is usually assignment based (at least in secondary) or fun (primary) and they get to choose new books to buy...

Not that I'm trying to be lazy and get out of the hard work of teaching...I just don't have the heart for it ... I hesitate to say "anymore". It might come back, but at present I do not have the zest required to teach full-time. The silliest things completely debilitate me. Plus I don't look into the future and see myself marking reports and sitting up stressing over difficult classes, rushing to staff meetings, coaching a sporting team, none of these things feature...

The Dream :) Haha...reality!

Recruitment Agencies

Whilst I'm here I may as well rant on these as well!


I signed up with Select Education (also called Teach Anywhere) because they appeared to be the only agency operating for international/expat schools. They also seemed to be the only place even advertising these jobs - there's no website called "International school jobs dot com" - so Select were my only option.


Somehow I got 'stuck' with a recruiter who couldn't give a rats arse about me. I'm pretty sure I've already ranted and raved about how she wouldn't respond to my emails until I wrote to another recruiter. Well, I've tried to escape her clutches and sign myself up to another Select recruiter again but instead they keep forwarding me back to her. I got excited when I saw they were advertising what looked like her position for a January start (I even thought that perhaps this might be the reason she was so unwilling to put any effort into finding jobs for me) but so far she hasn't gone away.


I stumbled across another agency: Teacher Appointments based in Brisbane. This is a much smaller operation and were initially a lot more friendly and interested in where I was coming from and what my goals were (as opposed to Select who nod and smile through the initial phone call then proceed to send you just about every irrelevant and out of the question teaching positions they can find!). However, as this recruiter was handling the China job that I could not accept, once I emailed the school to negotiate fewer hours, they readvertised and the recruiter disappeared into thin air.


Hays...well, don't even get me started! They didn't even start. I emailed the contact (someone called Olivia) a few times without response. Eventually I think I signed up on the website or sent a CV or something and she got back to me. Now, she was and still is, advertising teaching positions in Asia with ONE YEAR CONTRACT written all over them. Yet, when I told her I was interested in a one year contract she dropped me like a hot coal. Please explain?


SANZA: I thought they only dealt with jobs in the UK but noticed in my extensive trawling through the jobs pages that they also had jobs in New Zealand and some in Asia. I signed up. I got a phone call from a very nice girl called Karen, who told me she'd look into NZ and Asia for me (I told her I was interested in ANYTHING in either location) and get back to me. She phoned back to ask if I'd consider the Middle East (no I already had and decided against it) and then a few days later sent me an email saying they had nothing to suit and please get back in touch (in a few YEARS) when I was looking for work in the UK. Hmm...NOT BLOODY LIKELY. What the hell???? So although they are still advertising all these jobs, they don't want to fill them? Instead of keeping me on and letting me know if anything came up, like EVERY other recruiter, they just ditch me???


And at the end of all this, bloody Timeplan send me an email asking if I know of anyone who might be interested in the position of Australian coordinator in their London office. Well, SURE I DO! I would be interested in the position but I am cursed with a bloody Australian birth certificate and can't live there, so I can't do it.


I have had just about enough of this shite.

Nothing

Still nothing. We are just sitting here, bored out of our skulls.

Worked a little over the holidays as a study tour teacher. Discovered pretty quickly that it was nothing I imagined it would be...or at least the children weren't (um, how do I say this? Spoilt, pampered little pets comes to mind!) I should have realised that the students who would end up in learning English in Australia over the summer holidays would be the wealthier ones. At least I know now what NOT to teach.

On the other job front: give me strength!

We are still treading water, going nowhere. Another January, another birthday and I am still sitting here. It is enough to drive you to drink...rejection after rejection after rejection! I don't know what it is about this time of year: perhaps because it's Christmas and spending so much time with family (wanting to know what my plans are and whether I've given up on Scotland yet), or my birthday (another year older, still don't feel any closer to where I want to be)?

I did have a job lined up in China. It was in a kindergarten - not an international/expat school. This meant the pay was lower, but I thought it would balance out as the workload expectations would also be lower (which seemed to be the norm looking at similar jobs). Then the school sent me their contract outlining 40 hours + contact per a week, with additional Saturdays from time to time! Tried to negotiate. They readvertised.

I started packing boxes with things anyway, and dusted off my backpack. Nutcase...eternal optimist? I'll leave that up to you!

No job, no job, no job...

*sob* still no word on the job front, so this will be my fourth Christmas in a row where I have spent the holiday depressed and anxious. Last year I was wondering about Tasmania. The year before I think it was a job in Scotland. The year before it was a job ANYWHERE (I'd only been back in Noobah a year and hadn't yet realised that after a while, you get numb to the pain of being back here).

I have started to hate the holiday period. The hot weather makes me miserable and short tempered. Being miserable makes me eat. Eating makes me fat. Being fat makes me miserable AND irritated. I shout and rant and snap at my daughter but really I am angry at myself - FOR STILL BEING IN THIS SHITHOLE! For letting ANOTHER BLOODY YEAR GO BY.

I think the fact it is summer (a season I detest in this country) and the new year is coming and my birthday only a few short weeks after that...well, it all adds to the general gloomy atmosphere. Another Christmas here means another one NOT spent in Scotland. Another Hogmanay missed. Another year closer to 30 and still no closer to being back home.

I feel wretched.

There were a few jobs on the horizon and had I any sense and actually REMEMBERED what I get like during this festive season I may have signed myself up simply to escape this misery. Instead I am stuck to the computer, sweltering in the combined summer and electrical heat, plonking my daughter in front of endless streams of crappy Christmas television and searching the job pages in vain.

And isn't it strange how all the ghosts of job hunts past come back to haunt me when I get down and desperate? I've thought about New Zealand, I go back to the Tasmanian idea, then I think again of the northern NSW coast...and without fail I always end up on the job board of some Scottish council - just to check.

And every year I think that I cannot go through much more of this. I cannot stay here any longer...I might die. I cannot get any older here. How many more years do I want to tread water in this backwater country? How many years do I want to have to look back on and lament as WASTED?

Yet here I am again.

Oh crummy crum CRUMBO

ARIEGHOSEIGHGGHGHHH!

I am a numpty!

Numpty (num-p-tee) Dialect, chiefly Scot. ~ n. 1. a bumbling fool; One who is intellectually challenged ("no' the fu' shillin'"). 2. widely known in Scotland as an MSP (Member of Scottish Parliament) [as in "Thae numpties couldnae organise a piss up in a brewery."]

Just got off the phone from an interview for a literacy tutor position in Cape York - that's right, waaaay up north where it's hot all year round...hardly my favourite climatic conditions but the opportunity is a one-off. I've even had to put my school in China off for a week because I want to have this chance. The program is highly successful at rapidly improving the reading level of students who are struggling with literacy. They even offer training in Sydney for a week at the start of January before a 6 month deployment to Cape York...

Buuuuut...at the end of the interview (which actually went well - usually I am terrible at phone interviews - especially the international kind but more on that another day) for some wildly inexplicable reason I TOLD HER I HAD A 3 YEAR OLD! @?!*# Why oh why oh why would I do that? It wasn't planned AT ALL. I haven't mentioned my poor wee girl in an interview for a year: not after my parent status cost me not one but TWO brilliant teacher recruiting jobs earlier in the year. The first one was also a phone interview and I had not intended to mention Miss M, but unfortunately I kept talking about "we" and "us". When she asked who else I travelled with, I would've been better off telling her I was a nutter and liked to talk about myself in the 3rd person, but instead I confessed. She practically hung up on me.

Discriminating on the grounds of being a one parent family or having a child is not allowed, of course, but that's even MORE reason to stay mum until being offered the position. I don't like to be underhand but I prefer to be the one to decide whether or not I will handle a position, or a location, rather than have the decision made by somebody who doesn't know me or who maybe doesn't have children at all!

I honestly have no idea why I said it. Talk about shooting oneself in the foot. Talk about self-destruction...argh! It was like some imp was pulling the words out of my mouth - I started saying it before I even realised what I was saying. I tried to stop but I'd gone too far to backtrack without sounding like I was covering up a terminal illness or a little bit of crazy.

>sigh<

So now we have to wait. This is probably my least favourite part of the job process. Applications are draining and time consuming, waiting to be contacted for interview is nail biting but at least you've not had your hopes raised too high yet. Preparing for interview is stressful but the waiting afterwards is dreadful.

Especially when you may have shot yourself in the foot.

Holy mother of God

I hate cockroaches.

I hate cockroaches.

Jaysus I can barely even get my fingers moving to type...

As soon as it starts warming up in Queensland, these filthy, repulsive, devil-bidden bugs start crawling out of the pits of hell and up our walls...

Not only that, but (for the unitiated), Queensland cockroaches @*!?%# fly...big fluttery, paper scratchy WINGS.

I hate them.

I am almost reduced to tears just typing this, but I have to get it out. We had one in our house the other morning. It was dead (well, lying on it's back by the bathroom door and giving every appearance of being lifeless) but it still managed to wrest a scream from the depths of my soul and turn my legs to jelly.

I am fairly sure I have a cockroach phobia. I have an aversion to all flying insects and most creepy crawlies but the one that reduces me to tears and hysteria like no other is this guy. They are simply gruesome - the murky brown colour, the crunchy shell, the spiky legs, the looooong waving antenna...simply the way they move around the room...and the way they FLY. Why oh why, God? Why do they have to FLY?

Just before my 5th birthday, my first brother was born. It was a hot December morning and somehow I had managed to get him out of his cot without my parents intervening and had take him into the lounge room for a nurse. I was sitting on the edge of the brown couch when I felt something on my leg. Looking down I saw a gruesome beast making it's way up my leg. All I recall after that is my dad coming out (probably in response to my screams) and letting go of my newborn brother.

On another balmy Queensland evening my extended family were out at a resort in Surfers Paradise. Having stuffed ourselves senseless at the buffet the kids and uncles were wandering through the resort pool and gardens. The moment is burned in my memory and I recall that I was wearing my puffy blue and white polka dotted "Shirley Temple" dress. I felt something at my throat. It felt like a scratchy leaf. I reached a hand up to flick it away and instead my hand closed around a flubbering fluttery bloody giant of a cockroach. I screamed, of course.

As her four children started to get older my Mum decided to enclose a section of verandah to create an extra bedroom. It was properly constructed (walls, not curtains) but for some reason the bugs simply refused to relinquish what had previously been open air verandah. On a number of occasions I woke up with something crawling on me. Flicking on the fluro would reveal the hideous brown nighttime visitor. I recall one night that I woke up to a sound and when I switched on the light discovered a cockroach was not even ON me yet - I'd become so paranoid that I could hear the tiny scritch scratch of their spiky feet on the wall.

Since then I've had various other close encounters but I believe these were the ones to really concrete the phobia into my psyche. Whilst at uni I used to phone my old flatmate (Kim) to come over to my new place to remove cockroaches. She'd grown up in PNG so was braver than I - I who would be reduced to a shaking, clammy, sweating mess at the mere THOUGHT that I might have glanced one out of the corner of my eye...

Oh, I had another episode when I lived in one of the last dodgy little duplexes in Mermaid Beach (off Hedges Ave aka Millionaires Row). The screen door had been taken away and the Giant Winged Variety used to make their way in and get comfy. The night before I was due to start work in my first ever REAL teaching job, one flew into my room as I sat up preparing. Now, technically these beasts are not supposed to like the light but this fella was quite keen. I phoned my Mum (she was 2 hours away, it was midnight and NO she would not be coming to kill it) and in the end had to resort to sleeping in the 2nd bedroom (this was before I had a flatmate) which had only an old stinking, double ensemble left over from the previous tenant and a newspaper in it. I squashed the newspaper into every crack and crevice, laid some out on the bed, curled up on top and had a fitful sleep. I was also late to my first day at work.

My fear of the beasts is all consuming. I lose all sense of reason and rationality. From about mid-thigh down I lose feeling. I taste vomit. My hands shake and my palms sweat. There have only been a few (VERY few) rare occasions on which I have not had this physical reaction to a roach sighting and nearly all of those involved me having something to drink first. Last summer one flew in and I ran straight out the door, leaving my 2 year old to defend herself. I could not bring myself to go back into the house.

In Scotland I discovered something magical (and indeed, this may be the primary reason for my enduring love for the bonnie northern land). THERE ARE NO COCKROACHES IN SCOTLAND!!! Okay, so maybe there are some of the pale wee German variety, but those I can handle. It's the big brown winged beasts that send shivers down my spine.

It took about 6 months over there but I finally freed myself from the compulsive habit of entering a room/switching on a light and automatically checking the ceiling, cornice, every corner, edging and floor before entering. I didn't have to throw back my covers before hopping into bed. I could leave my window open WITHOUT A SCREEN!

And now I'm thinking about going back to Scotland via Asia and Europe. I had spoken to a friend who spent time in various places in Asia and she reckoned the roaches weren't that bad, and on this I have put my trust throughout the TESOL journey. Until my Mum started laughing at me yesterday, thinking about me taking on the roaches of Asia. So I sat down and googled, and sure enough, Mum is right. Not only do they have filthy flying bat-like roaches, they even have the German ones. They fly in, they come out of drains...they are in restaurants, in garbage...

My worse nightmare would be to survive the nuclear holocaust - and be the only human survivor...because there would be nobody to call to come kill the critters!

Beast shown is actual size - AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Random Scottish band has the answer

Alright, so I don't know why but somehow I expected finding a job in Asia was going to be fairly straightforward. Sure - there were extra issues such as making sure schools were not dodgy and trying not to head into locations with significant malaria risks or active civil war, but everything I read pointed to the plethora of jobs available, that someone with a B. Ed would be able to pick and choose, that I'd be fighting them off...

Well, in that sense I am fighting them off a wee bit, but that's because none of the jobs I'm being offered seem to FIT.

I don't know why I am surprised. This is the story of my life. Nothing goes according to plan. Nothing fits. Nothing that I actually, specifically HOPE or PLAN for ever seems to come to fruition. Remember that Midas story? Yeah, well at least he had things around him turning to gold. Everything I touch seems to turn to shit. Not that I want that to be my mantra or the motto over my life. Oh no. I don't ACCEPT that everything I start will fail - hell no! It makes me even more determined to succeed! So out I go, again and again, doing the same bloody...

Hang on a minute. Maybe it's BECAUSE I'm doing the same bloody thing?

No, no I'm not. At first I tried to go to Scotland. Then I tried to go to England. I tried every other country in Europe. I investigated Canada. Finally I started looking into the rest of Australia - I tried WA, Tasmania, even went to the NT. New Zealand cropped up from time to time (and again recently) and if I am honest, Scotland has been a constant throughout but has simply faded into the background at times. I started looking at ELT in Europe and now it is Asia.

Okay, so I am trying to do the same thing - get out of this arse of a town, but at least my method is changing! I've looked at studying, I've looked at teaching, I've tried other jobs, I've looked at running a business...Every river I try to cross, every hill I try to climb, every ocean I try to swim, every road I try to find...

Dammit just lost half an hour watching Runrig on youtube! >sigh<> I can't help it. I try not to listen to them, try to avoid any reference to the place because each time I think about it, it breaks my heart again. It kills me not to be there, missing day after day, year after year, the people going about their business, the weather changing...

This is definitely the long way round. I do wonder if I am crazy, thinking that I could possibly be so bold as to believe there was a place for me over there. Miss M is sorted - she's half Scottish so technically has rights. I just have a bunch of ancestors who turned their backs on the place and came...HERE.

Nice move, guys.

Sometimes I do start wondering why I don't give up. Forget about it. The place ain't that great anyway. It rains all the time. Sometimes it's grey for months at a time. There are more wankers per head of population than possibly anywhere, immigration don't want me, Miss M's dad lives there (this is probably the biggest deterrent, damn him) ... and it is just so bloody DIFFICULT to get there. All the hours of my life I have wasted and we are still no closer. And now we are going to go and spend 2 or 3 years traipsing around the earth to try in a sense to come in the back door - and who's to say we won't face a big boot for all our trouble?

It doesn't matter how I reason with myself. The hope won't let go.

Runrig ... again:

like shadows on the wall

you come and you go

through the streets

and the rain that falls down

on our sin

no more good-byes

forever this way

whenever the greatest flame in the world

starts burning

this is our life, and our time

and nothing, is ever going to break us

now we're on our own

always in your eyes

a waking of souls

we gaze out on the road

that brought us up

to this place

the signposts never change

we'll go where they lead

whenever the day to break us comes

we'll not give in

this is our life, and our time

and nothing, is ever going to break us

now we're on our own

this is our place

in our lives

and no one

can ever change this moment

or pull this mountain to the ground

*@!?&*@

Just typed a whole bloody post and suddenly it highlighted itself and promptly disappeared. FFS! As if I'm not p*ssed off enough at the moment without adding to my annoyance - but of course, that is PRECISELY what the Universe prefers to do - wait until we are sweltering in 600 degree heat as this stupid country's stupid summer kicks in, throw in a teacher recruiter who has taken a dislike to me (actually I don't think she ever had any 'like') and a million jobs but once again the ones I am not fussed on are the ones who want me and the jobs I am really keen on are proving elusive...

I think I've blogged already about my recruiter - who wouldn't respond to any of my requests to be put forward for jobs until I contacted another recruiter to ask if there was a problem? Anyway...as soon as I did that she promptly zinged to attention and a dozen interviews were lined up. Then came the realisation that hobnobbing at expat schools would demand at LEAST 2 years of my time. At this point this is not what we want to do. Perhaps in 6 months I will have discovered that we love Asia and want to stay longer etc etc but right now...NO.

So I'm in the pile on the floor again...

Until a brilliant job came through for a school in Japan looking for an early years teacher for only 6 months! Fantastic! But that was a week ago and still no response from them. I found the school online and I am sorely tempted to email them directly as there is something about recruiters. I had another group (workforce on tap or something like that, randomnly based in Bendigo, Victoria) who advertised for ESL teachers. As they were offering 6 month positions I emailed them for more info (there was very little in the ad) and the guy told me they didn't have any but I could ask all the questions I liked of the school when I submitted my CV and they phoned me. I don't like submitting my CV and personal details before I have any info but 6 month contracts are rare, so I did it. Again - no response! What the hell is going on???

The only school that WILL get back to me is in China. Although I am satisfied they aren't dodgy, they are only offering 10000RMB a month - about half what international schools in China were offering me. I kept putting the 6 month contract idea to them but they've ignored it - not only that, they told me they were really looking for someone to stay 18 months. For the love of God, why would I do that when I just gave up the chance to work an 18 month contract at an expat school for 3 times the money and an awesome package???

Which makes me wonder: why did I pass up that school? I didn't want to sign up for 18 months. I can understand schools wanting a longer commitment but surely it can't be that unusual for teachers to want to experience life over there first before committing to long term? And it's not like 6 month contracts are unheard of in western school systems - far from it!

China job has also informed me of their working hours, which are phenomenally high (for teaching). 40 contact hours per week, no planning or prep time (this is supposed to be done while children are sleeping!) for 10000 RMB. One of my hesitations for expat schools was the high demands on time, but at least they stuck to a regular 9 - 3 school day - none of this 8am starting.

In the absence of Japan job getting back to me (which is not a good sign, I'm sure, as other schools got back to me within a day or 2), I'm beginning to wonder if grabbing any old job at a language school might be a better option...

Oh, and I also had a call from a job working with Indigenous kids in remoter parts of Australia wanting to interview. So far I've left a couple of messages but not heard back...

I have a killer headache and I don't know if it's the heat or the stress!

I just want:
a great school: smaller size, flexible, helpful, younger kids,
decent accommodation
enough wages to save a little bit
helpful other staff and friendly kids
short term (at least at first!)

fingers crossed...

Asia

I have never considered going to Asia.

I have cousins who travel there a lot and a few friends and people I met whilst backpacking Europe who love the place. I have friends who grew up there and some who have worked there. When I worked at Movieworld on the Gold Coast during uni I spent quite a few shifts in the infamous ITG (International Tour Groups restaurant). It was more of a wild, chaotic feeding hall than a restaurant. To move the diners along they would drag Wile E Coyote or Tweety or Bugs round to the main door and there would quite literally be a stampede. Staff (including myself) would be pressed up against the walls in terror. I was shouted at by crazy Asians chefs for making the rice taste burnt (eh?) and nearly set on fire trying to hand out Japanese quisine. Once you have scraped the goopy remnants of corn soup from 150 tables for 3 days in a row...well, that's about all I ever wanted to see of Asia.


However...


If you have been reading any of this and not just scrolling through to look at the pictures you will know that an Turas - the Journey - is all about returning to Scotland. After nearly 4 years of trying in vain to get back there directly from Australia I realised it was going to take a more creative approach. It was then I decided to follow my mate Ewan's advice (pictured - teehee :-) and take the long way round. Hey, I've always thought Mongolia would be fascinating.


The original plan was to head to Europe to teach English. I started a Tesol course to facilitate this and it was during this stage that I kept coming across references to Asia and encouragement from other English teachers to try it.


When my recruiter (finally!) started responding to my emails last week, every single job was for China...so now we are looking at Asia as a definite plan. I don't want to spend more than a year there as I am looking at 2 years in Europe before heading back to Scotland...and I would dearly love to be in Scotland before I am 30. And before Miss M is too far into her schooling to be disqualified from Gaelic classes.


But China? China! My family are horrified. Even my GP was distressed, and advised me to head to Mongolia instead (as he handed me 2 pages of vaccinations recommended for Aussies travelling to China!!!!!!)

Early Childhood

Some of you may be wondering what a Secondary teacher is doing dreaming of teaching letters and numbers to tiny tots...you were? Great!

I've never really been convinced that I 'belong' teaching a particular age group. Sometimes I think all those years of organising my siblings and cousins into playing schools was more about me as an organiser or manager than about me as a teacher.

I always looked over the shoulder of my primary colleagues with great envy whilst at uni. I was GREAT at handwriting - I wanted to do a whole semester on handwriting! Making a model of a volcano? I wanted to do that! Learning the guitar? Are you serious? I have a dusty guitar lying in the corner of my room right now! And they get to do ART! Argh! My 3rd year (primary) flatmates in my 1st year thought I was nuts doing secondary when clearly I was born to be a primary teacher. But I seemed to get along with the other "secondaries" so much better than with the "primaries", and I was fascinated by the History component of the course - sometimes even by the English lectures.

I remember being close to tears on my first prac when Katherine was practicing her lesson in preparation for lecturer assessment visits (the principal of the college was coming to do ours). I was teaching Ancient Egyptian genealogy to Year 12s I'd never met and she was teaching the letter B to a class of year 1st who adored her.

When I travelled to Scotland I felt even more strongly about teaching primary and it was part of the reason I allowed myself to be convinced to move to London - the supply teaching agency would allow me to work in Primary schools. It was interesting and infinitely preferrable to supply teaching in London Secondaries, and I had a couple of job offers, but Scotland drew me back. Up north it was hard enough trying to get a job in my own subject areas, let alone branch into something new. The GTCS see to it that all teachers remain rigidly in the areas they trained in in their early 20s when they didn't know better.

I love History. The only job I've ever enjoyed was teaching History in Stornoway. I've thought about working in museums or in heritage, but in Australia at least, I'd need further study and history teaching experience - impossible as they've squished my beloved subject into SOSE so it is no longer recognisable.

Then along comes my own preschooler, and a short contract with a local prep/1/2 class and I start wondering again...

So this is the age group I am hoping to work with whilst teaching English. I will miss the teenagers...sometimes.